The Home-Wrecker

I had the best of intentions to write about something else for this month’s blog post, but this past Sunday, our family received some news that shocked us so incredibly that I felt I needed an outlet to both work through it in my own mind and heart.

When a family member warned us that there was some bad news, we thought it might be something concerning our youngest cousin, who was born less than two months ago with intestinal problems and had already undergone an operation for it. In part it was, the bad news was that his parents were getting a divorce. Divorce occurs among LDS couples, but this was particularly shocking to us, because we couldn’t understand, why just after having a newly born baby (their 2nd son), would they want to get a divorce? Sadly, it turns out that the culprit was pornography.

In today’s society, pornography is becoming more prevalent and regarded as something casual. In varying degrees, pornography is all around us, whether it’s on billboard signs, magazine covers, television shows, and Internet sites. Pornography dulls moral sensitivity, prompts voyeurstic flights from the challenges of reality and is, above all, very addicting. It destroys marriages, families and lives. The late president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Gordon B. Hinckley cautioned: “Stay away from the great and terrible flood of pornography that is sweeping across the earth and makes a few men rich while it destroys many others who become enslaved to it. Stay away from it.” Like all addictions, once enslaved, it becomes increasingly difficult for the person to get out. However, like all addictions, there is help and hope to overcoming it. If you know someone with this addiction, I refer you to an article written in the 2005 Ensign about the steps to recognizing and overcoming pornography, entitled “The Road Back: Abandoning Pornography”. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day also has a website called Combating Pornography: Replacing Darkness with Light which can be used as a resource and for encouragement.

My heart goes out to family members, whether spouse, children or parents, of those who are addicted to pornography. I can only imagine their sense of pain and betrayal. Have any of you helped someone through a pornography addiction or a loved one who has been betrayed by it? I wish there was something I could do or say to help my cousin and her children. My thoughts keep returning to my gratitude for the healing power of the Atonement. I know it can heal and give hope to her, her children, her husband and to anyone who seeks the Lord’s help, even when I’m at a lost of how I can help.

5 thoughts on “The Home-Wrecker

  1. Becca

    I am sure they tried to work things out before they decided divorce was the only option.

    I love the movie Fireproof that deals with the pornography issue a little bit. It’s an excellent movie.

    In these situations, having a deep understanding and appreciation for the atonement and forgiveness can really help.

    It’s a hard situation, and my heart goes out to your cousin.

  2. A victim of pornography...

    I found out 6 years into my marriage that my husband had a pornography addiction. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. It crushed me. Rocked me to my very deepest core. Shook every belief I ever had, especially about the Gospel.

    In counseling with our Bishop, he offered some advice that has stuck with me through the years. He said to read our scriptures TOGETHER every night (separate from our personal and family study–as a couple), pray together every night, go to bed together no matter what, and attend the Temple at least once a month. We immediately started doing those things (my husband couldn’t attend the Temple for awhile so I just went). I’ll admit, it was hard. The last thing I wanted to do was read scriptures and pray with HIM. But we forged ahead. We didn’t miss a night. And it healed us. It healed our marriage. We are now 4 1/2 years out from his confession and more happy than ever! I credit my marriage being saved to those simple, but such profound habits.

    Now, I’m not saying this will work for everyone. I think in many situations, divorce is an answer. But it wasn’t for us. It was hard. Things definitely got worse before they got better, but with hard work and by placing God first, we have been healed. For me personally, the Atonement was the miracle that granted me healing and forgiveness.

    My heart aches for your family! I am so sorry… Know there are many, many who have felt the betrayal and the pain. My prayers are with you.


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